A hopeless romantic in a hopeless society

Only a select (and damn lucky) few have never experienced heartbreak caused by romantic relationships and there are some who have been with the same person their whole life and then there’s us, the soldiers of love, constantly going into battle time and time again hoping for a different outcome each time much to our unfortunate disappointment. Zayn Malik croons in his hot single Pillow Talk that love is ‘a paradise and a war zone’ and boy, do a lot of us share that sentiment. Our little fragile hearts are often battered and bruised beyond recognition by the time we hit 21 and unfortunately that messes us up and creates on-going cycles of pain, deceit and misery we inflict upon one another. It truly is a weird time to want genuine, honest and long-lasting love when the general outlook we possess is driven by a level of pessimism that makes creating meaningful connections a mammoth task. Add being a hopeless romantic to this Molotov cocktail and witness the trickiest navigation of the matters of the heart.

I’m sure we’re all well acquainted with the big ‘S’ word. No, not sex— situationships. A situationship may be defined defined as being less than an ‘official’ relationship but more than a friendship or hook-up and at a time where no-strings-attached type of relationships are popular it can be very hard for a hopeless romantic to build a meaningful connection. Many young people will tell you that they prefer this type of arrangement because it is easier to maintain and keep up with. How does a hopeless romantic deal with encountering people who display a lack of accountability when it comes to others’ feelings and emotions when all they want to do is be in love without reservations and constraints?

Situationships and booty-calls are driven by sex and can a hopeless romantic survive in a friends-with-benefits arrangement? Hell to the no. Acts of love and care such as being open and honest about how you feel, spoiling your partner may now have you labeled as a ‘simp’ especially to the public eye. 3 simple words ‘what are we?’ can send a grown man or woman running for the hills. It becomes harder to throw caution to the wind and love without fear when you keep meeting people who are terrified of falling in love; people who’d rather hide you but hit you with that ‘u up?’ text at 1 am.

It’s becoming rarer to find a faithful partner these days. Someone who won’t have you looking like a clown to the masses. Imagine placing all your trust into one person and believing in them wholly that they simply will not cheat on you? Some of you don’t have to imagine it hey? Sadly, a lot of us have experienced the pain and humiliation of having a partner do you wrong in that way. As a result we come across those with deep rooted trust issues because it’s is damn near impossible to believe that we’ll ever find someone who is truly faithful so we resort to comforting ourselves by telling ourselves that ‘the game is cold’. What a shame.

What does this then mean for a hopeless romantic in a world of infidelity? This means that they will most likely cross paths with people who are scared to publicly claim them and this is why it is such a big deal when a couple goes ‘Instagram official’. We actively avoid the embarrassment of having a partner step out of the relationship therefore the relationship is kept super private which isn’t always that bad a thing yet can definitely cause problems if both parties don’t share the same sentiments. Unfortunately, some advocate for this kind of set up because they’re still straddled between umjolo (relationships) and the streets which is a dangerous game to play when real and deep emotions are involved.

There is no way to preempt how a person will treat you or know if they will do you wrong or not but what we can do is follow our hearts. Pain and heartbreak is inevitable and it is a part of life. Everybody deserves to experience real love but it’s also good to remember that we experience people in seasons, not everybody is meant to stay but that shouldn’t turn your heart to stone.